Betty ford says i'm here all night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
