We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
