there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
