I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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