first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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