I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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