3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
