I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
