dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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