I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
