What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
