You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
