I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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