I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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