This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
