i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
