If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
