can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
