Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
