The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
