is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
