your thong is hanging out like whoa
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
