Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
