Will you blow on my dice?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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