I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
