I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
