My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
