Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
