If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
