Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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