well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
