Your face is a jimmy john
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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