Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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