so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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