it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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