FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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