Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
