I wish I could teleport
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we're so committed to being not committed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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