: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Alive.
So much puke
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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