my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
