hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
