She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
