I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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