We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
