The brown eye won't let me do that either.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
