Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
