Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
