I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
