Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
