you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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