I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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