My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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