Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
