walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
this hospital has no fireball
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
