He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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