she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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