I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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