How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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