haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
