I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
soo... how was my night?
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