At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
