The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
