I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
